Sometimes a park visitor is irritated about something. They direct it at you. They say something in a harsh tone, and possibly an awkward response is made. No one intends it, but the dialogue is becoming a confrontation. One simple question can redirect a possible confrontation back to a conversation.
The question is, “What would you like me to do?”
While walking across the parking lot of a National Park Visitor Center, I noticed a very large Cadillac sedan. In the Cadillac was an elderly couple; their license plate showed they were from several states to the east of their current location. Their car doors opened. The woman commented, “This place looks nice. Let’s see if we can get something for Megan.” The man loudly commented about finding a restroom. The couple were just a few seconds behind me so I held the door of the Visitor Center.
The man quickly approached the main desk and bluntly asked, “Where’s the can around here?”
A very young seasonal worker was behind the desk. She was nice enough but spoke as though she was reading from a script, “Hello. The Day Use fee is $5.00.”
His tone was gruff, ” I can always tell when I drive into this state – my wallet gets lighter.”
The worker politely smiled. It’s five dollars to visit the park, sir.”
The man was angry and physically uncomfortable. “We’re not visiting the park!” snapped the man.
The worker looked surprised, “Visiting or not sir, everyone needs to pay the day-use fee.”
The man shook his head, “Five bucks, for a ten-minute stop!?”
The worker dug in her heels. “Sorry, sir. Those are the rules.”
“Rules!”Every time I visit this G%&-D#*n state I am always being nickel-and-dimed for something.”
The young worker appeared uncertain of what to say next. People in the Visitors Center were becoming uncomfortable with the language. The man huffed under his breath, “Fine! I’lll pay the fee – just tell me where the restrooms are.” The girl pointed outside. He quickly disappeared out of the building. The worker mumbled to a co-worker, “If you’re going to be that way, we don’t want you here anyway!” The wife must have heard this because at that moment she quietly put down an item she had in her hand and left the store. Neither the elderly man nor the woman returned. They would probably think very differently about all parks from that day forward.
This was a sad and unnecessary escalation that could have been avoided. Obviously, better training for the workers; improved visitor signage with larger text; or even an identified 15-minute parking area would have helped. But at any point during the escalating conversation, the worker could have sincerely looked at the man and asked, “What would you like me to do?” If the elderly man had been asked he may have responded with, I need a bathroom and my wife is looking for a gift for our granddaughter. I don’t want to pay $5.00 because we will be here for less than 10 minutes.”
This question does two things: Firstly, it identifies that you can act, or are at least prepared to act, and; secondly, it requires visitors to state what they want/need to resolve the issue.
Most people are not irrational; they can be irritable because they are uncomfortable or stressed about something besides you. This elderly man was loud and obnoxious, but these personality issues were probably exacerbated because he was very tired from a long drive and needed a restroom. The worker became a target for his frustrations. When the occasional visitor is irritable and not communicating effectively, ask:
What do you want me to do?
This question can move the dialogue from a possible confrontation back to a conversation.